Recovering from an eating disorder—again: an autistic perspective

For many people, recovery from an eating disorder is a long and winding road, full of self-discovery and unlearning harmful beliefs. But what happens when, after years of work, you realize that the recovery you fought so hard for was actually another form of masking? When the version of healing you were praised for was, in reality, compliance-based and centered around neurotypical norms?

The Realization: Unmasking Recovery

Many late-identified autistic individuals come to understand that what was framed as a “healthy relationship with food” was actually a series of forced behaviors meant to mimic neurotypical eating patterns. The structured meal plans, the insistence on “flexibility,” the expectations of social eating...all of it may have felt like success at the time, but in retrospect, it was simply another way of suppressing authentic needs and sensory experiences.

This realization can be deeply unsettling. It raises difficult questions: What parts of my recovery were truly for me? What was simply compliance? How do I rebuild my relationship with food when my authentic needs were dismissed as disordered?

Grieving the Lost Time and Misdirected Effort

There is an undeniable grief in recognizing that the years spent working toward recovery may not have been aligned with your true self. The energy spent forcing eye contact at meals, eating “fear foods” that were actually sensory hell, or overriding natural eating rhythms in favor of rigid meal schedules might not have been necessary—or even helpful.

It’s common to feel anger, too—anger toward treatment providers who failed to recognize your autism, who mistook your natural eating preferences for disorder, and who celebrated your ability to perform neurotypical eating habits rather than helping you find a sustainable, autistic-friendly way to nourish yourself.

These emotions are valid. You are allowed to mourn the time lost and the unnecessary suffering. You are allowed to be angry at the system that failed you. And you are allowed to redefine what recovery looks like for you, now that you have the full picture.

What’s Next? Embracing an Autistic-Aligned Recovery

With the realization that past recovery efforts may have been masking in disguise, the question becomes, "What does authentic recovery look like for me now?"

For autistic individuals, true healing often means unlearning the expectation that eating must look a certain way. It may involve:

• Honoring safe foods and sensory preferences without guilt.

• Rejecting the idea that “food variety” is a measure of success.

• Allowing for different eating rhythms that don’t conform to neurotypical norms.

• Finding ways to engage with food that feel natural rather than forced.

• Giving yourself permission to eat for fuel alone and to stop pretending to enjoy it if you don't, or the opposite, eating for stimulation regardless of hunger without shame.

  
  

Relapse Prevention for Autistic Individuals

Traditional relapse prevention strategies often assume a neuronormative framework, but for autistic people, maintaining recovery might require different tools. This could include:

• Recognizing and addressing sensory-based food aversions without shame.

• Identifying when executive dysfunction is impacting food intake and creating supportive structures, like external reminders and visual cues or a shelf-stable safe food backup stash, to navigate it.

• Learning the individualized internal differences to be able to distinguish between a monotropic hyperfixation in meals and the kind of rigidity that might be a cue you're slipping.

• Advocating for an individualized approach with providers who understand autistic experiences - bonus if they're openly autistic themselves so they're on the inside of autistic food culture, not just privy to it.

  
  

Ultimately, recovery isn’t about achieving a neurotypical version of “normal.” It’s about reclaiming autonomy, listening to your body in ways that work for you, and allowing yourself the grace to redefine healing on your own terms. If you are navigating this process, know that you are not alone. Your recovery is still valid, even if it’s happening in an entirely different way than you once imagined.